Bird flu reaches Sydney [Unconfirmed]

A dead sparrow discovered on a suburban footpath has sparked immediate concern, with "authorities" reportedly declaring H5N1 the "most likely explanation" before anyone had actually looked at the bird.

Officials urged the public to remain calm while simultaneously cordoning off three benches, a bin, and an unsuspecting pigeon "out of an abundance of caution."

The sparrow, believed to have been approximately 4 years old in bird years, declined to comment